The Gay Apocalypse is upon Us!

Ok. So yesterday was the worst day ever to be a gay man.

The announcement of the Supreme Court's ruling on Prop 8 was met with both cheers and tears. All the same sex couples that got hitched before the passing of Prop 8 are relieved to hear that their marriages are indeed legal, but they still upheld Prop 8. Now that's some bullshit.

If things couldn't get any worse, they announced that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is finally going to become a movie. Sounds like a good thing right? WRONG! Joss Whedon, the mastermind behind the cult television show and critically acclaimed comic series has nothing to do with it. In fact, none of the original cast are even being considered for it. The bitches who made the original piece of shit movie are the ones with the rights. They plan on trying to reboot the franchise in Star Trek fashion. And they are not going off of the TV series (you know, the whole reason people liked Buffy in the first place!), which means that leaves no room for series favorites like Willow, Xander, Spike, Angel, Faith, Giles and Dawn. And what about Buffy herself? They say she might not even be in it! They might go with a new slayer and friends! WTF is that! They want to do a "darker, grittier Buffy reboot." Buffy doesn't need a fucking reboot! The show only ended a few years ago! Season 8 (the comic for those of you who don't have gay friends who go buy it on new comic day) is a HUGE success! Do yourself a favor, call up Whedon so he can just bring everyone back and do this shit right!

You know who I blame this on? Fucking Twilight! Yeah, you knew this was coming. Everyone's vampire crazy now, so why not bring back the biggest name in vampires since Dracula? Fucking Twilight! You're inadvertently raping everything the made growing up good for me! Don't take away my one sacred thing! This is taking a big shit all over Buffy. Just do a movie continuing the series! No one wants to see some stupid Buffy the Vampire movie without Whedon or the cast. Oops I'm sorry! Buffy might not even be in it! I should have said "____ the Vampire Slayer!" AHHHH GAY TANTRUM!

As me and Matt sharpen our stakes and prepare the Scoobies to fuck up some bitches,  I wanted to leave you with this awesome trailer for a documentary called "Outrage." Hey all you anti-gay marriage people! You should check those conservative Republicans that you follow so blindly. Next time you talk to them, check to see if their breath smells like dick. Chances are it does!

My Secret Lover (I Have Issues)

So I have a secret love affair with one of my neighbors... he just doesn't know it yet.

I really don't have a type I guess, but when someone asks my normal answer is: "A guy who can fix my roof/car/sink, who loves watching sports, doesn't think the mall is a fun pastime and doesn't know the difference between a Marc Jacobs dress with Jimmy Choos and a Wal Mart potato sac maternity dress with Crocs." In other words, I basically want a straight guy who just happens to like having sex with men (more specifically me). I guess I have a thing for manly men; like the kind who should be in Brawny commercials. The ones who can barely dress themselves and who always seems to be sweating from doing something active. And that's exactly what my secret lover is like...

I have lived by him coming up on 12 years and I've never even said a word to him. I just drive by his house real slowly and stare without any regard to anyone else on the road. Not stalker like at all. And he's always riding around on his ATV or cleaning off his truck from all the muddin. Yes, my secret lover is SO Redneck! A boat, an ATV, dirt bikes; he has them all. And if he's in the front trying to fix up that broken down truck, don't even talk to me. I want to just sit on the other side of the road with a glass of lemonade, watching as the sun shines down on his shirtless, Adonis body as he takes apart that old junker...

Oh jeez! I have a thing for the redneck guys! Come to think of it, every time I flip through the channels and accidentally stop on CMT, I'm usually greeted by some really hot cowboy singing that I want to make my boyfriend. But who can blame me? They can be so hot. I just need to find the right one. You know, the one without the Confederate Flag, the everlasting love for Jesus and that burning desire to place a burning cross on my lawn. It can't be that hard can it?


The car he actually drives is the called SIN WAGON! I would like a ride in the Sin Wagon. I'd introduce him to sins he's never even heard of before :)

Sticking to the "Nick has Man Issues" theme, I'd like to briefly discuss something that I'm quite embarrassed of. I was watching THS Investigates Prison Love, and I was wondering how these women/men can be crazy enough to get involved with these prisoners. Then I saw a website called WriteaPrisoner.com. Just being bored and curious I went on to check it out. Did you know that there are some hot ass niggas in prison? I mean, places filled with hot, desperate men and I'm NOT there!  Now that's a crime within itself! I've always joked about how I'm desperate enough for a boyfriend, that I'd go to prison, but DAMN! It's looking like a possibility.

And now I know how those people on the special can be so crazy. Because I am. I'm not stupid though. Trying to date someone who's in prison/getting out is so crazy and I would never do that. Or would I? I mean, I'm not going to try and go for a murderer, rapist or child molester. That's sick! But what's so wrong with aggravated robbery? In this economy, I'd steal everything I could get my hands on if I was good at it (and believe me, I am). But I have a conscience so that wouldn't happen either.

But I did see this fine ass muthafucker who only did a little robbery. He's reformed, got his edjumacation and did I mention that he's FINE??? And he gets out very soon. To send him a message or not? Oh I really have issues...

I've Never Seen it, but apparently it's THAT GAY

I've never seen Top Gun, but now I need to. Apparently it's the gayest thing ever. This clip has made me a believer. A gay coming of age story. Who wants to have a Top Gun movie night with me?