Sunday, August 30, 2009

I know I'm Wrong but that Bitch Deserves it!

Is it wrong that I laughed when my neighbor's car caught on fire? Ok, you don't need to answer that, but you have to understand... that girl is a bitch! I also thought about stealing her dog, but more about that later...

So when my mother told me one day that the cops were outside of my house, my first reaction was no big deal. Cops are always next door because that bitch and her siblings are always raising hell. I mean, they beat their mother; like Street Fighter crazy Akuma highest difficulty straight up beatdowns. It's quite terrible. But when my mom told me there was also a fire truck, I had to go see.

We open the door to see the front of her car all burnt up. Under her hood looked like a BBQ grill that hasn't been cleaned in 10 years. There was no fixing that. As neighbors stood in awe, I had to go back inside, seeing as I was about to burst into laughter. My mom asked what was so funny to which I respond "That's what that bitch gets for parking in my spot all the time."

I know. That was bad. But you know, she has a stank ass attitude, makes her mom's life a living hell and causes trouble for the entire neighborhood... That was the closest thing to God striking the bitch down. It was so good. It had been awhile since I saw karma work so wonderfully. She had that car for less than a year, and has been annoying everyone by parking in their spaces and not giving a crap about it.

Oh, and as for her dog...

Even my mother wants to steal it! She abuses that cute little puppy. It has to be about the size of my foot and she leaves it outside in the hot Florida sun all day: no food, no water. And they leave the door to the porch where they keep the dog open all day. We've gone over there just to give the dog food and water so it won't suffer. It's wrong to steal a dog but saving a dog is a good thing right? The only problem is they live right next door, so there's no way to hide the dog from them. All my plans end with me killing her...

It just occurred to me that laughing at her misfortune can come back to bite me in the ass. After all, I'm not one to talk about how great my current circumstances are. But then again, that moment was hilarious! I'll take a plague to the chin if it means I get to laugh at her. The only thing I regret is not laughing in her face. Thank you God for bitch slapping her. Now for the rest of the people on my list...

I wish there were still Milkmen

My friend Danny showed me this the other day and while we should have been talking about how funny/cute the clip was, we quickly got into a discussion about who was hotter: the Milkman or the Mailman (Team Milkman over here!). Anyway, I thought I'd share. Life would be so much more enjoyable if this happened everyday...

So I've been gone for a while...


My bad. For the last couple of months, I've been going through a bit of a "Life Fail." Going to LA, not going to LA, Friends FAIL, Family FAIL, Car FAIL, Money FAIL, Technology FAIL, health scares, identity crisis, relationship stupidity (on my part)... you name it, it happened.

The sky opened up and took a huge shit on me (Thanks God), so I really didn't feel the urge to blog about it. Well it's time to play catch up...

I need to get back to form: sharing with you random, funny moments in my life, videos that make me smile and stories about people who truly need a bitch slap! Over the next few days, I will be trying to catch you all up, as well as share the blogs I wrote while in Scotland (I was WAY too happy over there, so there isn't a lot of slapping that needs to happen).

I'll try not to slack off in the future... Oh it feels good to be back!