Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Can I just take my store with me?

With only 2 weeks before I move, I was thinking about how much I'm going to miss working at the store and with all my friends. I started to go through random pictures on my phone and I realized everything I'll be missing moving to Cali...


Cute pink buses for no reason.


Being tagged in our bathroom as if we're in Compton when we all know we're in uppity Downtown Fort Lauderdale.


Coworkers who randomly stand on tables and have celebrity couple names just because.

Heather (Heddy)+ Raissa = Reddy.
Heather + Chris = Cheddy
Heather + Jorin = Jeddy
Heather + Nick = Neddy

...Or maybe we all just have celebrity couple names with the same person.


And the guy who runs around Downtown in short shorts and a tray of wine.

No one knows why he does it. He just does.


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Ninja Raccoon

I feel like a common theme throughout this blog might become the difference between white and black people. Not because I’m racist. It’s just so damn funny.

Like when I watch the Bernie Mac show with my best friend’s boyfriend Jorin. He always looks at Vanessa and I wondering if this is all some big joke. I don't think he understands that black families are actually like that. He’s lived the quintessential white family life; full of stern conversation instead of getting whooped, civil divorcees, and birthday weeks...

WTF is a Birthday Week?!?!

Prime example: One day at work, Jorin and I were taking a tandem break sitting under a palm tree in the parking lot. As we were talking, I noticed something move out of the corner of my eye up in the tree. I didn’t get a good look at it but I was already on Terror Alert Red. Jorin continued to talk obliviously as I slowly got up to make sure I wasn’t about to die. I’ve seen all the movies and I knew I was the only black guy around.

I actually thought it was a monkey. Why monkey? It was big and in a tree. I have no real good explanation for that one.

Then I saw it… a raccoon staring right back at me in the middle of the day about to pounce from the tree above me.

Jorin looked up and said “There’s a raccoon.” At that moment, he had to look around to see where I went. Of course I had ran for my life a good 10 seconds before he even looked up to see the furry ninja.


We both found it really funny that my first instinct was to flee and his was to look danger in the face and talk about it.

So why am I the first to die again?

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I Scream for the Ice Cream I’m about to Steal

I’m a good person. I have to convince myself of that everyday, but I know deep down in that cold heart of mine lies some sense of decency.

That being said, I have created my master plan to extract goods from the ice cream truck that lives in my neighborhood.

Yes. I said it. There’s an ice cream truck that’s always parked two steps away from my front door.


I already have an Ocean’s 11 plan to steal the ice cream, but I’m starting to think that I should just Inception the guy so he’ll give me the truck….


BOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(For those of you who are late to the party, that was the Inception noise)

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Step Up to Domestic Violence

It seems that two things that have been bothering me about movies have finally come together to make a Hell baby bent on destroying the movie going experience as we know it…

“Step Up 3D” which is the same tired dancing movie that has been plaguing theaters for the last couple of years, now features the gimmick that needs to die: 3D.

The trailers looks stupid and I’ve never had the urge to have someone do windmills in my face while trying to enjoy my soda, but that’s not what bugs me…

Have you seen the posters for this movie?


Doesn’t it look like that guy is in the middle of beating the living shit out of that girl?

When I saw this poster in the mall, I didn’t think of dancing or 3D. After staring at it for a while, I kinda got excited. They were finally going to change this played out genre. Instead of just whining about whatever dancing cliché they put the impossibly beautiful dancers in and having it all end with a big dance off, they are finally going to do what normal people do when shit hits the fan… FUCKING THUNDERDOME BITCH!

Oh wait…

They’re not fighting? It’s just bad marketing like they’ve done for the commercials of the movie? So she’s not getting her revenge in this picture?


Well that's unfortunate...

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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A Public Case of Severe Itis

A couple of months ago, my friends went to go get some fast food. Upon entering the establishment, I caught the most amazing sight:



I don’t think much needs to be said about this. It’s just so damn classy…

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