Thursday, July 29, 2010

Es-Cap-E!!!

There are a lot of crazy stories that come out of my job...


A lady came up to me asking if it was normal to have people laying in the middle of our parking lot.

I was going to ask her what world does she live in that people laying in middle of the road can be considered normal... But I'm not allowed to be a bitch at work.

I pretended to marvel at her story of almost running over his head, thinking she was just another one of the crazies who come into my store.

Five minutes later, my coworker ran in, freaking out about a man who apparently jumped out of an ambulance and is evading capture. Come to find out, it was the same guy.

Lady, I apologize for thinking you were a stupid bitch (but considering everyone who comes in, you most likely are anyway).

So when I saw the escapee outside of my store, I did what any concerned citizen would do... I took a picture.

SBP Mobile - Slapping Bitches on the Go

Friday, July 23, 2010

One reason I'll miss driving in Florida

People auditioning for live action Twisted Metal.


Yes, that is indeed a chainsaw attached to a car driving on the road. Damn I feel safe.


SBP Mobile - Slapping Bitches on the Go

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I'm fucking crazy so that's why I haven't been blogging and I know it's not an excuse but I thought I should share and now I'm just typing to see how

...long I can make my title.

Damn that was a lot. Well, at least it's not as long as this post is going to be.

So I've been crazy busy... and busy being crazy. People have been yelling at me because I haven't been posting anything and I keep saying I would do it. Doing it another day becomes another week, then another month and now look! It's halfway through 2010 and I've only done 3 posts. Aint that some shit!

I want to say I've been slacking because I've been busy at work... and getting an internship... and quitting said internship... and getting ready for the biggest move of my life...

But that's some bullshit. So let me level with you:

One thing that's been freeing about blogging is it's ability to let me express myself with no restraints. I just talk about my life; what happens, what I like, mostly what I hate, but nothing is off limits. Until a year ago...

I've been shying away from details of my personal life and as the past year has gone by, it's been consuming more and more of my thoughts and actions. And if I'm not talking about it, what the fuck am I supposed to talk about? I really didn't want to bring up what's been going on for many reasons. I'm a private person and any intimate details about my life or emotions I keep to myself. And what's been going on has been so special and fulfilling that I wanted to protect it. I've never had someone so amazing come in and turn my life upside down. I've grown so much as a person this past year and I know it's all because I'm finally opening up and taking a chance on love. (Trust me, I know you want to barf. I'm not used to talking/feeling/acting this way so every time I say anything cute or romantic, I cringe and wish to punch a puppy).

That being said, I should at least share with you some things I've been going through so I can finally get it out of my system and write some fun shit. Oh! And because I'm way too private, I'm going to be very vague about some stuff to protect the people involved and blah blah blah.

Disclaimer: if you're the kind of person who hates when people use "they and them" instead of "him and her," stop reading now. You're just going to have explosive diarrhea of the brain from all the atrocious pronoun usage I might end up using.

Oh and no more of this love dovey talk...

FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK THIS SHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

What the fuck am I doing?!?!??!?!?

I need a roadmap through relationships. I've been dealing with this "we're sorta kinda in a relationship" thing for almost a year now, and I have no idea what I'm doing! Not a clue. They say that every relationship is unique and there's no right or wrong way to do it, but I definitely think I'm doing it wrong.

I suck. It's just that simple. I don't call them. I don't text them. I suck.

And it's not because I don't want to. All I want to do is talk to them. I've decided it's because I'm fucking crazy. I over think everything and I'm way too courteous. I'm courteous to a fault actually. I don't call them because I'm always afraid they're doing something, so I don't want to interrupt their life. So I don't call. And when I do call... ok I don't want to get into that. It's a whole bunch of psyching myself up and hoping they don't pick up because I'm so nervous I'm on the verge of throwing up. Does it even seem like we've been talking for a year now?

Oh! Did I mention this is a long distance thing? Yeah, that's a HUGE factor.

And I don't know why I'm driving myself crazy over this. When we talk, it's wonderful. Just hearing their voice for a minute makes everything that's been going wrong with my life go away. And when we're together, it's just so easy. I don't have to be anyone other than myself, and there's no "let's go crazy with cute adorable love shit" like some people we both know and want to punch in the face (Love you guys!). We're just, I don't know, together. It's perfect.

I know what my problem is: I'm a control freak. I think it's killing me that I've finally come across a situation I can't control. I just need to accept that. It's just really hard. And this whole "gray area" in our relationship coupled with the distance, multiplied by my all consuming imagination makes me just a little bit off my rocker. And unfortunately, the ones close to me have had to deal with all my crazy mindfucking I've been doing to myself. If I keep this up, I'm pretty sure they're gonna take me out back like Old Yeller.

In less than a month, I'll be moving to the same town that they're in. I've never been so excited in my life. But with that excitement comes the equal amount of concern I have for the future of our relationship. I've also found myself in a weird best friends and roommates dating each other situation, which I've never liked. There are way too many movies/sitcoms over the years that have been based on how bad this situation can become. I just feel like we're all just way in too deep in each other's shit, so if things go south... let's not even think like that.

It actually felt really good to write all that out. Maybe I can finally get back to all 30 of my projects that I've yet to write because I've been driving myself crazy over all this.

I have a terrible feeling that one day they're going to read this and finally realize how truly insane I am. That might be a problem. Too bad I know I'm going to post it anyway.

Fuck...