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SBP Mobile - Slapping Bitches on the Go

2010! We're Back Bitches!

It's 2010 BITCHES!

I know I fell off from keeping this thing up (twice), but I'm back with a vengeance!

This is why there was a sudden surge of Scotland blogs from 6 months ago. I felt like I needed to post everything I had left on my computer so that I can start anew with you guys. Besides, I promised that I would put those up, and I always come through with my promises...

... even if it's 6 months late. Let's just say for 6 months "I didn't know I was (blogging) pregnant" and yesterday I just shit out my dead baby fetus and I had to hide the body but now I'm ready to slut it up again... What? I just blacked out there! lol.

Well I got my swag back and I'm ready to tackle the new year. I have some big things planned and I'm ready to change the world (and I hope to bring you along for the ride). I've decided that 2010 is my year and I'm going to go BIG (because I don't go home!). The 3 R's baby: I'm refreshed, refocused and ready to take things to the next level!

A lot has happened since last I updated about my life. While I won't say EVERYTHING in hopes to protect people in my personal life (since when do I keep secrets), there's still more than enough juicy topics and bitches to slap to sustain you.

While I can't promise to write everyday, I promise not to leave you guys hanging like that again. And I won't be the only one changing things up. Matt's back and ready to write it up and Ayesha told me yesterday that she wants to write more (hopefully we can use peer pressure to make her come back on here more). In any case, we're all back and ready to slap up some bitches!

Scotland Blog #13- Dragging my feet back to the US.

So the weather is lovely this morning as we catch a bus back to the airport. I think my mom and I were on the verge of tears leaving this place.

I really didn't want to leave, and I also didn't want to fucking go back to Jersey for my connecting flight.

I know I'm harsh on Jersey, but Jersey never did a nice thing for me ever.

Case in point:

When we're flying back to Florida from Jersey, what terrible thing can possibly happen? Lightning strikes the plane. But not only to it hit us... all the lights turned off, we had a huge dip, it looked like the lightning CAME INTO THE PLANE, and we had scorch marks on our wing.

I rest my case. Jersey is officially on the permanent "Must Bitch Slap List." It will stay on the list for the foreseeable future. Congrats Jersey for being such a fucking asshole that you are the first to be registered on the permanent list; or that you sucked so much that I had to create that list!

Scotland Blog #12- Wimble-FUCK!

So it's definitely an experience being in Scotland during Wimbledon. When I watch it on TV, I forget it's actually held in a different part of the world. Over here, it's like the entire country shuts down for it. You feel it in the air. Like "Oh Shit! I smell some Wimbledon!"

Watching it over here made me feel like I was a part of something bigger than myself; something special. It was almost something spiritual... until I heard the stupid ass announcer who sounded like he was going to fuck the sweaty socks of Roger Federer. While I understand liking a certain player, abusing your power so that your commentary of an entire tennis match sounds like an open love letter is a bit ridiculous.

I was cheering for my ex-boyfriend, Andy Roddick. He made it all the way to the finals so you had to give him your due... that is unless you where hanging out in the U.K. Before the match, all they talked about was how epic the occasion is because Federer was going to smash the record and I'm like "Hello?! We haven't even started the match yet." They already decided who was going to win!

It was ridiculous! All you ever heard about was how graceful Federer's movements were; how they were like poetry in motion. Roddick? What about him? "Look at Roddick out there. It's so commendable how hard he's trying out there." He wasn't "trying"; the man was fighting with Federer... so much so that the match lasted forever and Federer barely won.

The favoritism was crazy! I actually had to call Josh in the States to make sure that they were being fair to Mr. Roddick. Of course they were. Something America can do right. Sports commentary.

So fuck you U.K! Damn it! The only thing bad I can say about this place is they give annoying sports commentary. I don't even really like sports so why do I care?

... Ok I forgive you U.K. This little shortcoming can be overlooked. Let's be friends again.

Scotland Blog #11- Dr. Pepper WHAT?!?!

They have Dr. Pepper ZERO here! I’ve never heard of such a thing before! This country is officially the place to be. Dr. Pepper with ZERO CALORIES!?!?!?! I’d drink that shit everyday! That bitch would be my Holy Grail; my life Elixir; my titty milk from God. If I had that in my daily life, well, let’s cut to the chase… FUCK WATER! My only regret is that I didn’t buy it while I was there ;-(

Yes, I was too broke to buy a soda on my last day in Scotland. But if I knew they had such heavenly things I would have spent all my money on this rather than other stupid things people call necessities... who needs food? I mean REALLY?

Scotland Blog #10- On the Prowl with Mom

My mother and I have a weird relationship. Seeing as we never discuss aloud the whole “you have a gay son thing,” it’s interesting to see us subtly talk about hot people in Scotland. I was looking around today and I said to myself “There are so many hot people over here. It’s ridiculous.” At least I thought I said it to myself… A few seconds pass and I hear my mother say “This country is very attractive.” I know my mother is not a lesbian, so that means she was talking about guys and I KNOW she knows I wasn’t talking about girls…

My mother and I just checked out guys together. I don't know how I feel about this yet.

Scotland Blog #9- Britney is Superman... DUH!

The more I’m here, the more I want to stay. I saw an advertisement for a television show called “Britney Spears saved my Life.” Umm, yeah. Sign me up!

Scotland Blog #8- Being So Damn Nice is Unnatural!

I keep trying to find people to bitch slap over here but everyone’s so goddamn nice! Everyone apologizes and is courteous, it makes me confused. I’m always trying to punch every other person I see back home. Fucking Scotland and you’re awesome people. Stop trying to make me feel at home!

Scotland Blog #7- Up His Kilt

Ok, I think I’ve been seeing the same hot guy around town the last few days. We keep bumping into each other randomly whether I’m at a bar, shopping or even going to my cousin’s graduation. And he was wearing a kilt today which was TOTALLY hot. I think it’s a sign!

Look at me. Who thought you'd see the day I'd be chasing skirts?

Scotland Blog #6- Wardrobe Malfunction

So I find that everyone here dresses well. I mean EVERYONE, EVERYDAY. This leads to my problem: can’t tell who’s gay and who’s straight. For the most part in the states, the gay man dresses a bit better than the straight ones and have their own mannerisms. Here, everyone dresses fresh to death and are all polite. How am I supposed to weed out the ones for me? So there goes my dreams of a foreign affair…

Scotland Blog #5 - Twilight Hell in the Edinburgh

And my aunt loves Twilight. And she’s describing it right now. I want to kill myself...

Holy Shit! Everyone's joining in. A family discussion about Twilight? I pray that Jesus will walk through the door and stake me through the heart right now. If you exist, you'll do this one favor...

::Buffy walks through the door::

I always knew you were my Savior!

Scotland Blog #4- America FAIL

We’re doing everything wrong. America is wrong. Everything they do here is so efficient. From travel to the workings of a household, everything seems simpler, cost efficient and just damn easier. So it’s official. We failed. But we’re also too stubborn to see it.

Scotland Blog #3- Scottish Nightlife

First night in Edinburgh and the nightlife is crazy awesome! I needed to get out of our cramped flat so I went out by myself to check out the local hotspots. I walked around to see about 20 clubs and bars in a two mile radius. Each one of them infinitely better than anything we have in America. You know how some clubs try to have that awesome, indie European feel to them? Well now I was living the real thing and believe me: ACCEPT NO IMMITATIONS!

Oh! And something cool about over here: no covers anywhere! It was sick. And the price for drinks was so much better over here, with better quality/quantity of the drinks. It’s so worth every ounce of drunken pleasure.

The first bar I went to was the Jazz Bar. The place was great. It had this great little jazz club vibe, with full bar and large crowd dancing away in a tiny space. Very intimate. And the band I stayed for can kick any of our American mainstream band’s ass! They played the standard guitar, drums, bass setup, but then there were some surprises like flute and tuba players. We need to step up our game when it comes to music, because while we think we’re talented, 60 % of our bands that get radio play are not even good enough to be considered a local band over here.

The next place I went to was called GRV (Green Room Venue). This place looked like the most tricked out basement I’ve ever been in. There was a neon multi-lighted bar, awesome murals on the wall and the ceiling was covered in the prettiest strings lights I’ve ever seen. I watched some sick break dance competitions, went down stairs to this crazy techno room, and chilled in the lounge with some of the locals. It makes me want to open my own GRV in the US. I would make a killing.

Now to stop being shy and make some friends! It sucks being in these awesome venues and not having anyone to enjoy them with… Easier said then done.