Explanation of Jesus Venn Diagram

Adventures with White People!

White People...

I know them. I love them. I date one. And one night, I got a first hand look at all their crazy.

A while back, I hung out with my old friend and neighbor Navaar. He invited me over for a barbeque one night and while I was not enthused about the idea of hanging out with him and his mystery friends, but I had to. I am black... Who the fuck am I to turn down free food?

I went over to his place to find out that he was having people over without his father's knowledge while he was supposed to be watching his 10 year old little brother. In fact, his father had no idea he was having a barbeque and using his extremely expensive grill to do so. So as I watched as his little brother play unsupervised with the bonfire that was feet away from setting the house ablaze, I should have looked at the red flags popping up and walked home... but I wanted my free food damn it!

Hours later, we're sitting on the back porch as the upstanding and not at all terrible excuse for a human being, Rory teaches Navaar's little brother how to play poker. I would be fine with this except for the fact the the 30 year old was actively trying to cheat this kid out of his birthday money.

I learned lot from my Rory encounter. Not only was he Navaar's trainer, he also turned out to be a total douchebag. I got to hear all about his life and how he loves his girlfriend and hates his wife. Yes, this awesome guy gets to have two lucky ladies! He gets pleasure out of telling his wife that he's cheating and openly reminds her how he doesn't give two shits about her. I watched as he texted his girlfriend he loved her and picked up his phone to scream at his wife that he wants her dead. But it's ok though; he only married his wife because he wanted to use her for her money and sex until he got back on his feet... Wait... WHAT?

After all this, you would think I would just finish my juicy steak and go home right? No. Because I'm a stupid bitch! *Flips scarf over shoulder*

A half an hour later, I'm in the car with Navaar and our friend Max driving to Hooters because the boys wanted to get a close up look at the things they're not allowed to touch. Seeing as I don't spend much time at the classy establishment, I had no idea that they closed before 11:30 so driving around the parking lot at midnight was really fun for me. As they decided to go to the Hard Rock because now they had a gay friend to help them get with women, I learned something that I never thought to ask before I got into the car...

(Ask ANY question about the car)

It wasn't Navaar's car. Ok... it's Rory's car that he lent him. That's cool. There was no reason to worry, right? When the car has no insurance, expired tags and is a couple of miles from completely falling a part, you realize this is around the time that you should reflect on the mistakes that took you to jail. Oh! And Navaar didn't have a license. Time to figure out who is going to help me post bail.

The night went on for one more embarrassing hour of getting no play at the Hard Rock and ended with us going to our respective homes without even talking to someone of the opposite sex. You would think that after all that, I would conclude my study, record my results and never talk to those idiots again...

Unfortunately, these guys are my friends and thusly, have helped spawn a sequel.

COMING SOON...

ADVENTURES WITH WHITE PEOPLE: PART DEUX (DUH)!

Lucky Unicorn

I do believe that unicorns are real. They're just extinct...

*Barry White Voice*

... from us loving them too hard.

All the Things I Learned at My First Internship

I am what I like to call a professional intern. I'm not doing an internship that was through a school. I'm not interning for a six month period to put on my resume. I'm working open-ended for an undetermined amount of time for free. Yes. I am aware of how completely stupid this sounds and normally I would make fun of someone who is quite obviously a sucker who will be working without pay for the rest of their life. Rest assured, I won't be living out of a cardboard box any time soon...

I'm working at DeFranco Inc. This is the company of the very popular YouTuber Philip DeFranco. Every week I get to work behind the scenes of the many popular online shows they've created: the Philip DeFranco Show, Black Box TV, Like Totally Awesome (LTA), The Vloggity and Cute Win Fail (CWF). I'm learning a lot and seeing how they're building the brand and expanding the company. I'm on the ground floor of something really awesome and I'm so lucky to be a part of it. It really is the highlight of my week.

My internship is so awesome... and I almost didn't take it. Not just because I thought it might have been a prank, seeing as I found out about it from Twitter (yes, I'm finally getting the whole Twitter thing). I had a terrible experience about two months before I accepted my position at DeFranco Inc...

...at my first internship.... BUM BUM BUUUMMM!!!!

*Cue Lightning Flashes, wolf howl and crying children*

My first internship was back in Florida, about a month before I was to move to California. I should have known nothing good can come from Florida, especially something free.

I took a position as a writing intern at a production company that did two nationally televised shows. Sounds like a good idea right? They didn't tell me that the writing intern would be in the marketing department. That in itself isn't so bad, but after weeks of spending my days putting decals on walls, editing hours of footage on paper only for the editor to not receive my paper, researching social media events and trying figuring out the very flawed intranet, I realized this was probably not a good fit for me. I know that doing bitch work is the natural state of the intern, but when I found out that my ultimate goal in my internship was learning how to writing press releases, I knew that I was just wasting my time. I wrote press releases when I was a sophomore in high school. There was no way I was going to get shit on everyday only to "learn" how to do something that I can do in my sleep. Among all of the time wasted there, I did learn one thing...

One day when I was on my lunch break, I was treated to a real show. I was sitting in the parking lot eating my sandwich when I saw a white SUV rocking back and forth. At first I thought it was in my head, but upon further inspection, I saw that the SUV not six feet away from me was indeed sex rocking. I was going to move, but the last thing I wanted was for one of them to see me running away in the middle of having their midday snack. That's just rude. So that's when I stopped listening to my music and started listening to the natural ambience around me: the birds chirping, the wind blowing through the trees and the unmistakable sound of slurping that come from blowing something else. Maybe they really shouldn't have cracked the window...

When the rocking stopped, I decided to get up and throw my food away in the trash can across the parking lot. I didn't want to add to the awkwardness by being an arm length away when they come out of their traveling love den. Of course I had to see who had been my entertainment for the afternoon. A young blonde women plopped out of the vehicle. I remember seeing her a couple of days before working in the office next to mine with her boyfriend. Knowing this information, the situation became that much more awkward. While she had to take a leap of faith out of the vehicle, the NBA sized black man who I had never seen before stepped out of the SUV like it was a clown car.

That day, I learned that you can cheat on your significant when you work with them. Just make sure it's in the parking lot.

I watched her walk into the lobby, looking as if she had spent a weekend at sea with the Minnesota Vikings. As her boyfriend kissed her, I wondered if he was that oblivious, or if he was just used to the taste of dick in his mouth.

Writing Fail... AGAIN!

Wow. It's 2011. Time flies by fast. We're actually halfway through the first month of the New Year. I wish I could say much has changed in my life but it's still the same old same old. I'm still an intern at a company no one knows on the East Coast and still work at Starbucks.

Wait... I'm an intern for one of the biggest YouTubers, Philip DeFranco! Ok, that's a a bit of a change but I still work at Starbucks... in California where celebrities come in all the time!

Ok, I'm a liar. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! For the last five months I've been living in Hollywood, California, trying to make it as a writer and moving a mile a minute experiencing the west coast lifestyle.

But that's not why I am I liar (well not the only reason I'm a liar). I made a point to try and recommit myself to blogging last year, and that lasted all of two months (maybe?). I had so much to write about but too much going on in my life to make myself focus for a minute and write it all down.

I've noticed that regularly blogging helps me as a writer to start working on the projects that I actually I need to do. And seeing as I've been out here for almost five months and this is the most I've written, I realized that this blog is more important to me (and my process) than I thought.

So it's time for me to catch you up on the time jump that has been my life. From my cross country road trip to my first celebrity event... It's time for me to bring you on my journey from Hollyhood to Hollywood.