Friday, September 4, 2009

Scotland Blog #1- Traveling with Family

This is the first installment of the blogs I wrote while in Scotland (with NO WIFI!). I know it's been a couple of months since I was there, but writing was the only thing that kept me sane while there. So I figured I'd share... Enjoy!

So I’m in Scotland. First time ever across the pond; I absolutely love it! Getting here was a bitch though…

We had the standard 2-stop flight: we fly out of Ft. Lauderdale, connect in Jersey (eww) and then fly straight to Edinburgh. Sounds simple enough right? Not when your first flight is delayed 3 hours, so they put you on another flight which makes you miss your connecting flight so you’re put on yet another flight. But we made it right?

So I should be thanking the airlines… HELL MUTHAFUCKING NO!!!

All that changing made it so our bags went somewhere else. Does anyone know where they are? Of course not, so currently I’m wearing the same clothes I wore on my day of flying and long ass first day in Edinburgh. All ten of my new beautiful outfits are stuck in a baggage claim (or reclaim as they call it here) and all I have are the clothes on my back. So unless they send my clothes today, I’ll be BITCH SLAPPING CONTINENTAL AIRLINES!!!

On another note, I’ve realized I’ve hit the age that traveling with my mother and family is a no go. Not saying I wouldn’t want to MEET THEM somewhere, but traveling like this is now strictly a close friend’s affair. Hot men everywhere and I can’t do anything because my mom is right there, worrying if I take too long when I’m away from her. Can’t flirt back. Can’t make the first move. Can’t even longingly stare at them for too long without it becoming a weird moment in my family setting. All I can do is imagine what I’d say to them… And boy did I imagine!

While at the airport bathroom, all I wanted was to do what it seemed every other male traveler did. I just sat on the toilet and prayed that some man would solicit sex from me. I just couldn't remember the damn code or whatever to make that happen! It's like the fucking gay Da Vinci code! I was tapping my feet all over the place like I was playing Dance Dance Revolution on the hardest setting. I started knocking my fist on the stall next to me, hoping some magical thing would open up and I'd be allowed into Homosexual Narnia. Why does it have to be so hard to get a BJ? I ended up just leaving, to find my mother worried that I took so long in there. No surprise there...

Now to have to go meet up with my ultra conservative family and my minister cousin who’s doctorate we’re celebrating. Wish me luck! Yay Jesus!

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