*Disclaimer- No Names are used to protect the anonymity of those at the meeting. That and because I'm pretty sure they would hunt down and kill me if I revealed too much*
So I went to my very first AA meeting last night... and no it wasn't for me. I don't have a problem. I know everyone says that, but I really don't. I have a lot of other very real problems but we don't need to get into that do we?
I went because my friend was being recognized for a milestone in his sobriety and I wanted to go and be supportive. I was so proud of him and I'm so happy to be apart of his big night.
That being said... AA is the most awkward place I've ever been to; and I've been to Anglican church! In fact, it felt like church a bit: the word "God" was being thrown around every five minutes, people gave testimonies about their lives and we even did a prayer... sort of. When the guy leading the meeting said something about praying, I closed my eyes and bowed my head... then heard everyone around me, eyes wide open, chanting the "serenity prayer." For a brief second I thought I was in a cult. I wish that was the end of the "cult feeling," but it was just the beginning...
Did I mention it was biker night? This is the night that the bikers usually come to meetings. I felt like I was either in a leather bar or prison (both of which should have made a gay man feel right at home) but when you add Jesus to the mix it becomes that much more bizarre. I had been warned that this was one of the more eccentric meetings I could have gone to. Eccentric is an understatement.
So I was completely inappropriate the entire time (Not My Fault!). It wasn't like I was trying to be. It just sort of happened... like when I raised my hand as a new person to the meeting when that is reserved for people who have a problem. Or when I got the church giggles when a woman was giving her testimony and how she had a huge hole in her life... and how she would just fill her hole with anything she could find (That's what she said). Or when I got super competitive during the raffle and was visibly upset when I lost... I wanted to win that Baby-T so BAD! I was going to get up like a belligerent black man and yell out "FLAWLESS VICTORY" when I won and rub it in everyone's faces like I was T.O. at the Super Bowl (oh to dream).
I felt so out of place the entire time. I just wished I had a problem so that I "fit in." The only time I was comfortable was when I was leaving...
That was until the awesome, foul mouthed 90 year old woman who grabbed my friend's ass made a B-line for mine. Yeah, it was an interesting night.