My name is Nick and I don't have a Problem... Seriously!

*Disclaimer- No Names are used to protect the anonymity of those at the meeting. That and because I'm pretty sure they would hunt down and kill me if I revealed too much*

So I went to my very first AA meeting last night... and no it wasn't for me. I don't have a problem. I know everyone says that, but I really don't. I have a lot of other very real problems but we don't need to get into that do we?

I went because my friend was being recognized for a milestone in his sobriety and I wanted to go and be supportive. I was so proud of him and I'm so happy to be apart of his big night.

That being said... AA is the most awkward place I've ever been to; and I've been to Anglican church! In fact, it felt like church a bit: the word "God" was being thrown around every five minutes, people gave testimonies about their lives and we even did a prayer... sort of. When the guy leading the meeting said something about praying, I closed my eyes and bowed my head... then heard everyone around me, eyes wide open, chanting the "serenity prayer." For a brief second I thought I was in a cult. I wish that was the end of the "cult feeling," but it was just the beginning...

Did I mention it was biker night? This is the night that the bikers usually come to meetings. I felt like I was either in a leather bar or prison (both of which should have made a gay man feel right at home) but when you add Jesus to the mix it becomes that much more bizarre. I had been warned that this was one of the more eccentric meetings I could have gone to. Eccentric is an understatement.

So I was completely inappropriate the entire time (Not My Fault!). It wasn't like I was trying to be. It just sort of happened... like when I raised my hand as a new person to the meeting when that is reserved for people who have a problem. Or when I got the church giggles when a woman was giving her testimony and how she had a huge hole in her life... and how she would just fill her hole with anything she could find (That's what she said). Or when I got super competitive during the raffle and was visibly upset when I lost... I wanted to win that Baby-T so BAD! I was going to get up like a belligerent black man and yell out "FLAWLESS VICTORY" when I won and rub it in everyone's faces like I was T.O. at the Super Bowl (oh to dream).

I felt so out of place the entire time. I just wished I had a problem so that I "fit in." The only time I was comfortable was when I was leaving...

That was until the awesome, foul mouthed 90 year old woman who grabbed my friend's ass made a B-line for mine. Yeah, it was an interesting night.

High and Mighty Blogger of God

It's a lot of work to continuously create new content and satisfy a fan base. So I have mad respect for all the authors of the digital era. But I'm not fond of cheaters; especially cheaters those who should know better. 

The other day I saw this little forum of bloggers all talking about their blogs and asking for support. But apparently it was a "No Heathens Allowed" zone as they were asking for support from other "Bloggers for Jesus."

I can understand seeking support from like-blogs, but it just felt like they were not trying to support each other. The tone and comments felt more like they were alienating other blogs and acting very "Holier than Thou." Isn't that against the whole Christianity handbook? 

What kind of things are you possibly talking about in your blog that we already didn't get? As far as I'm concerned there already was the ultimate blog about your religion. It's called the Bible.

Do you really think you can do the religion thing better than God? If so, prove it. Let me know what you can possibly be in your blog that I need to know that isn't already in Jesus' biographical manuscript? Exactly. Because apparently all you need to know is in that book. So unless you're copying the Bible word for word, your blog is irrelevant.

Go Fuck Yourself. Amen.

Jesus and Ice Cream

Sometimes I choose to be nice to Matt. So this one is for him.

Over at SBP, we love ice cream. We'll fuck you up if you mess with our sweet, delicious icy treat. So when I was talking to Matt the other day, while Titanic references did not make an appearance, ice cream became a welcome topic of conversation. I said something that I wanted to share with you and I'm sure you'd agree: 

"It's the creamy frozen treat we suck from God's teet." 

Matt found much pleasure in that statement, and I really feel as if that should be the new official tagline for ice cream. 
And look at that! Even Jesus loves ice cream MUTHAFUCKA! Wait. If Jesus likes ice cream, then it's pretty disgusting that he's sucking from his own father's teet right? Very incestuous relationship right there. I think I can fix this: Jesus is God so it's not incest right? But then again, if they are both one and the same, then Jesus is just sucking on his own teet right? That's some real stuff to ponder...

Oh and if you're keeping up, I really did just write a post that covered ice cream, teet sucking, God, Jesus and incest.  And "teet" count is now at 5. Go me!