I Had My Bloody PERIOD...

And it hurt like a bitch!

Now you may be wondering "Hey Nick! Aren't you someone who's attached to a penis, which in turn means you can't have a period?" Well first of all, YOU DON'T KNOW ME! How would you know if I had my period or not? Do you go tampon shopping with me? I think not...

I should let you know, I know a lot about periods (and I'm quite scared of them). I had very awkward run-ins on my bus when it comes to the topic of the blood flow from down below. There was the one tirade by this crazy bitch screaming for all of us to hear "That's my tampon string you ignorant bitch! I'M ON MY PERIOD!" (I should let you know, she totally said that like the angry Incredible Hulk). Or the fact that we decided to do very stupid things like have tampon wars, where we fire tampons at each other and squirt fake red gunk at each other. Ok, I need to stop talking about high school. I'm embarrassing myself.

But if we can touch on that stupid bitch on the bus for a moment: OF COURSE we know you're on your period! It's not our problem that we can ALL see your tampon string hanging out. Of course we're going to laugh at you. You brought that on yourself.

But in any case, back to me and my man period. I guess I should say that there was no blood flow happening over here, but it wasn't a cake walk either. I had to deal with something that all you ladies all have to deal with: MUTHAFUCKING CRAMPS! Ok, it was A CRAMP. But it hurt so bad for so long. I was so miserable. I couldn't move for hours. I just laid in my bed, wanting to end my life. And what did I do to deserve this? I woke up this morning. Fucking Life...

Anyway, I got great advice from a female friend, who also happens to know a thing or two about periods and cramps (Go Figure!). So I took some aspirin, laid on a heating pad, and had some comfort food. I was going to lay there and watch the new episode of Gossip Girl I had missed. I was so excited! But when I went to the CW online, I was not greeted by a new GG episode. They STILL hadn't posted it! WTF! How could they do this to me? How could God do this to ME? I was in hell and they were taking away the ONE THING that would bring me joy!

Don't they know I was on my period?