Ok, I got a little sidetracked. The reason I point this out is because every time I watch a food commercial lately, it leaves me wanting... but I'm certainly not hungry if you get what I'm saying. Two such commercials are the new Milky Way and Quiznos commercials.
I have to say, the Milky Way one doesn't really do it for me. Yeah, the Milky Way is talking very sensual and trying to be very discrete, but I want a candy bar that's forceful. It has to let me know what it wants me to do with it. I'm not trying to have an affair with a Whatchamacallit here! I don't want more caramel in every bite! I want you to give me the Milky Way all over my face bitch! (That was for Matt)
Now the Quiznos commercial for their new Torpedo; now that's a sandwich I can hang with. That toaster... yeah, he's a G. From the get go, no playing around. He gets right up in there and let's that guy know what he wants him to do to him. And he makes that sandwich maker his bitch! And once you hear the babymaking music start up, you know it's over. And did you see how they slide that sandwich into the wrapper? The Torpedo wants to do you.
And for a while, all I wanted was a torpedo in my mouth. Yeah, I said it. TORPEDO IN MY MOUTH! And I wasn't the only one thinking it! My friend Emily and I would often comment about how good those torpedoes looked. Eventually, we were craving them every night!
Today I treated Emily on her lunch break to a torpedo. We both took part in the torpedo experience. She had a torpedo, I had a torpedo... this is starting to sound like a really dirty film.
And I gotta tell you, I loved having over a foot long of torpedo in my mouth. I'm a dirty boy.
OK, so the winner is definitely Quiznos torpedo. I mean, once I'm done with the 3-4 inches of Milky Way, I'd be a little disappointed. Maybe even laugh about it with some of my friends. But the torpedo... yeah, that thing can deliver for a LOOOONNNG time.
Here are the commercials, you be the judge.