I went to the customer service desk and a really pretty girl walked behind the counter to help me. As she started processing things, we made small talk. Then we had to wait for her manager to come and finish the transaction. That was the LONGEST 15 minutes of my life.
Next time I won't say a damn thing. I realized that my "small talk" had been on the fast track to "dinner and a movie." She started laughing at everything I said, which is normal because everyone laughs at me, but then I saw her playing with her hair flirtatiously. I knew I was in trouble. I kept looking for the fucking manager, but no one was in sight.
She started to sing whatever Natasha Bedingfield song that was playing throughout the store as I awkwardly nodded my head to the beat and searched for the manager. After the song, she proclaimed that we just had a cute little duet. Bitch, if it was a duet I would have been singing too, not trying to pretend you weren't there!
This girl was bold. Bolder than I could ever hope to be. She let me know that she was going to be off of work in 40 minutes. That's nice. Like I care? Let me get my money back so that I can fucking leave. But no, she had to say it: "Are you hungry? Wanna go grab something after I get off?"
HELL NO I'M NOT HUNGRY! WHERE MY MONEY AT BITCH?
I proceeded to let her know that I had just ate. I then witnessed the excitement wash away on her face. While I'm flattered by her asking me out, I'm just not that into her. Well, I'm just not that into vagina to be exact.
Why is it that girls constantly throw themselves at me but I can't get any play with guys? Any guys at all! I'm not fucking picky. You point out a guy and 9 times out of 10 I'd hit that. I might not tell people about it, but I'd hit that nonetheless. Just my luck, it's only girls who want to get into my pants. I'm so sick of chicks hitting on me. Am I giving off some type of "I like to Fuck Vagina" pheromone or something? I need to give off "Nick Likes Mangina" from now on. Maybe I should just be blatantly obvious: write "Nick for Dicks" on my forehead. Ugh!
And I should explain my state of dress... I had just come back from the gym, I took a quick shower, put on my raggedy bum clothes and went to the store. I was NOT looking cute. Yet somehow I was a chick magnet.
So finally the manager came and processed the return. I watched as the girl tried to secretly talk about me to the manager who also happened to be female. Too bad they were right in front of me and not the least bit discreet. The girl reached for the pen on the counter but touched my hand "by mistake." The pen was WAY on the other side of the counter. She just wanted to hold my hand, which would have been cute to me if she was blessed with a penis. I wrote down my information, took my receipt and said goodbye, to which she giggled and said "You made my day! I'll see you around." Yeah... no, I'm going to Publix from now on.
Then it remembered when I got to my car... I had to write down my phone number on the store receipt. Now this girl has my phone number. I give up! Time to go to the dark side... The Poonani side.